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The third of our 3-part series on the discussion of female self-love…

Self-love… female masturbation… polishing the pearl… whatever your preferred phrase, can something that provides so many people around the world so much harmless pleasure really be considered taboo?

In the 2nd part of this series we questioned the role of the media and whether the lack of discussion is down to a perceived threat to patriarchal society. We concluded that:

  • There is a serious lack of discussion on the topic of female self-love from popular western media.
  • This has to be a significant factor in perpetuating the belief that it is wrong to talk about female self-love.
  • After all the progress that has been made, in terms of equal rights and attitudes towards women, is it possible that there is still a perceived threat to patriarchal society?

This week:


Does the issue reside in how difficult it apparently still is to talk about female sexual pleasure?

Perhaps we need to learn how to talk about female self-love. After so long of not talking about female masturbation openly it could be that we are not sure of a tasteful way to talk about it at all. We don’t feel the need to be subtle when talking about male masturbation so why do feel the need when discussing female masturbation? Double standards again seem to have an effect on how we discuss female self-love. If this uncertainty over appropriate language is truly a factor then it is one that has been handed down through old-fashioned stereotypes that no longer hold true:

  • men should be proud of their sexuality – it makes them men
  • traditionally a woman expressing her sexuality is “unladylike” – if expressed, for example, through literature it is in veiled terms

Attitudes are changing. Workplaces, sports fields and the arts are all slowly opening up more to women. However, the coyness surrounding female masturbation can only fade when women can be seen as sexual beings with appetites equal to those of men. Many people still have difficulty in seeing women as sexual equals to men with each individual woman having her own appetites to satisfy. A large part of society still seems to hold the view that a woman’s sexuality can only be viewed through the lens of procreation and not with a view to pleasure. This is a major hurdle that we have yet to overcome in order to better understand one another. 

What do you think about what we have discussed in this series?

Do you think there is a lack of healthy discussion around female masturbation?

Has the media deliberately stifled discussion? Why would they do that?

Should the media play a bigger role in creating a healthier discussion about female self-love?

Does a patriarchal society feel threatened by women able to please themselves in all areas of life?

Let us know your thoughts!

Xo Spreadlove™

Kris Mulliah

Author Kris Mulliah

Bio Coming soon.

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